Help Me Understand This (Insane) Recent Encounter With A Female

Shael said:
Dis Marty Byrd-ass niga. Lol. Come on, dude. All your interactions with her you gave her a vibe that you wanted to keep it platonic. Then you blindside her by texting her a dirty joke without any kind of flirting beforehand. I know in your head it was funny but it set off her creep radar. Oh well. You had enough game to get her to come over, so just call it a bad day at practice.
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Fuck you got me rolling
 
ultramanhyata said:
UPDATE: She just texted me. She said she was sorry and feels now that she overreacted (after talking it over with a GF). She asked me to forgive her and asked if we could still be friends and maybe hang out again.

I replied: I greatly appreciate you taking the time to set things straight. I would be lying if I said your words last night weren't extremely insulting. You said a number of things to me in the short time I have known you that clearly led me to believe you had a ribald sense of humor. And I never in my wildest dreams thought that joke would in any way offend you. In fact, I apologize if it caused you any discomfort whatsoever. And of course I forgive you. No hard feelings on my end at all. Though I think this whole episode may be an indication that we should go our separate ways. I wish you nothing but the best in life and enjoyed meeting you. Take care.

To which she replied: Fuck you.

So... Psycho chick verified. I stand vindicated and it feels good!

Kudos to the few guys in this thread who read this situation for what it was.


So I was pricing dog food in a supermarket in expectation of potentially buying a puppy for my kids. A girl was picking up some stuff for her own pup. We began to chat. I asked her if she might be willing to give me some tips on housebreaking as I have never done it before. She said sure. We exchanged numbers.

From a physical standpoint this female was not my "type". I am into girly-girls and this woman was more akin to a WMMA fighter. Tatted up and a little tough looking. But she did a nice job with her makeup and had what was obviously a fairly expensive nail job. And she smelled good. So, I guess, sort of a mixed bag.

I never reached out because, again, I had some conflicting feelings about my level of attraction to her. But about a week later she texted me. Just shared some brief, random shit - What she had had for lunch, sent me a pic of her (adorable) dog and a pic of her kids. She asked me if I had bought the puppy yet. I said "no" and that was about it.

Giving the whole thing some more thought I decided to text her the following day. I asked if she would like to come over to my place some night that week to hang out and talk. She said absolutely and showed up two nights later. We had some drinks and became more familiar with one another.

We talked about a range of issues but for the purpose of this post I am only going to share the pertinent piece. In telling me about her job she mentions that there was an older married guy she worked with whose nickname for her was "slutbags". He also called her "whore money" (a play on her name, Harmony). He also shared X rated memes with her on his phone almost daily. She told me how hilarious she found it all. Said she took no offense and was actually planning to eventually go on a fishing trip with this guy and several other men from work. She said she grew up as an army brat and knew how to be "one of the boys".

So, whatever. In my mind she loses points with this. But at least, I think to myself, she's not the kind of crazy, PC chick who is going to run to her HR because a man in her office compliments her dress. Maybe she's too far in the opposite extreme. If nothing else I feel like I have an accurate sense of where her boundaries are.

The evening ended. I made no moves and was not even slightly flirtatious. I was still completely on the fence about wanting to risk opening up that can of worms with this particular girl. Though she did strike me as cool and down to earth. As a thank you for her having come over and provided me with some housebreaking tips I thought it would be nice to give her a little gift. She had told me her astrological sign (which happened to be mine) so I ordered her a nice scented Sagittarius candle from Amazon and had it shipped to her house.

Between the time I ordered the candle and the time it arrived she and I shared a few more texts - about our kids, our schedules, the shut down, etc. She sent me some pics of her house and her backyard. She sent me some pics of a new smoker she had bought and a bunch of ribs she was soaking in preparation for it.

Anyway, the day she gets the candle she texts me and writes: Thank you so much for the gift. It's perfect. You are so thoughtful.

Attempting to deflect from the praise I decide to inject some levity: You're welcome. A girl can always use another vibrator. lol

She replies with what I assumed was a confusion emoji.

I write: Does the candle smell as good as the description made it sound?

She replies: I don't know. I haven't lit it yet.

But then I hear nothing else from her. A couple days later I text her and ask if she is free to meet me in the park that afternoon for a walk. No reply. I call her and get her voicemail and leave a brief message a couple hours later. She never texts or calls me back.

The next day I do get a text from her: I want to let you know that I intentionally did not respond to you yesterday. I found your text to me about the gift disturbing. It really creeped me out. I don't know whatever gave you the idea that you could say something like that to me. Please respect that I no longer want to communicate with you. Please do not call or text me in the future.

I replied: So the woman who thinks being called "slutbags" and "whore money" is hysterical was offended by a vibrator joke? Whatever. Enjoy your candle.

I cannot tell you HOW LIVID I am over this. (Maybe the fact I am making this long fucking post about it is the evidence.) NO WOMAN in my adult life has EVER accused me of being even slightly inappropriate - much less creepy to the point that they somehow feared interaction with me. I simply cannot wrap my head around this. I just can't let it go.

Can anyone out there shed light? Any insights from the men of the Berry? Thanks for letting me unload.
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Looooooooserrrrrrr
 
ZOn2Gem.gif
 
ultramanhyata said:
I guess the Berry has changed. Back in the day one could have some semi-serious, informative relationship discussions.

Also for the illiterates - This isn't about having a broken heart. It's about having my reputation disparaged.
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<{katwhu}>
Come on, man.
My instincts tell me things went south for awhile in the thread after this post.

You acted like a nice guy, she saw you as one. You suddenly tried to change up, amd too quickly.

Those guys at work, she has a different dynamic with them, and there's a precedence for that kind of communication from them (in her mind).

Also, humor is tricky via text, because there's no tone or body language, and it's easier for people to disengage before the convo can be steered back on-track.

You can make dirty jokes and stuff, but the later you wait, the more it may be against the vibe that's been established.

When I was about 19 or 20, there was a girl I chatted with on Yahoo Messenger. She knew my name, we were chatti g, after not talking for a long time. Somehow I started talking to her through an alt-ID on the same account (maybe she messaged, me - maybe I did it as a joke)... we had an entirely different convo in the other name with more banter and verbal jousting. She actually BLEW ME OFF TO TALK TO ME WITHOUT REALIZING IT. She even asked my name and I told her, and she didn't get it. She said bye to me on the ID she she had me as a friend under at the end of our convo on the other name. Like she forgot about me for someone more interesting.
I sent her an offline messafe like, "You realize you were talking to me that whole time, don't you?" (Keep in mind that I never lied about who I was. I may have just concealed it until she asked.
I was a different person, so she knew me to be a nice guy. She just figured no way this other guy with the same name was me. She sent a message apologizing for talking to me that way, and whatever.
I was like wtf ever. I don't care how she feels, really. She, in her mind just blew me off. I just wrote back "Have a nice Summer" and she responded "That's all,you have to say? 'Have a nice Summer'"
(She wasn't cute and lived far as fuck away, so it didn't matter). Never spoke again, but I learned a lesson.

We had a certain dynamic established, so just flirting through shit talk was off limits with the old me. I fact, I think I realized that and IM'd her with the new name because I realized it and the convo was boring.

Going back to what the dynamic is - humor covers the lot of sin with many. Once I was in a bar and there were three girls taking shots using a straw. I walked up like "You guys are here all by yourselves... all three of you by yourselves?" Joking. Then after brief chit chat, I said, "Imma be honest... I was standing over there, and I saw you guys do the thing with the straw... and I just had to come up and see it upclose." They laughed. One of them did another shot and I was like, "That's the thing! I'm gonna be in the bathroom for a few minutes... nah, just playing."
(You get the joke I'm sure)
They laughed. They went to the bathroom for a few minutes and two of them came back, so I joked and said, "So just you two...? Alright, let's go." And gave them my arms to grab and they did. One let go, but the other didn't. We got several feet away before the friend was like "UH HEYY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Long, long story short, you can get away with dirty jokes, but if they see you as a nice guy (based on all interactions) it will weird them out in a lot of cases. I realized from those girls in the bar that if you set a certain vibe early on... you'll know quickly if they're with it or not.
(Also, the trick is to take away the chance to reject the dirty jokes by saying just kidding, or whatever, before they can say "Nooo..." or "Gross..." or whatever).
Of course you run a risk of backlash at times. But if they see it as just how you are, and think it's funny, you're mors like the guys at work than the gross candle joke guy.

And lol at that candle exchange escalating quickly. Now I get the reference.

And none of the above novela was meant to argue that the woman isn't unstable or being reasonable.
 
ultramanhyata said:
UPDATE: She just texted me. She said she was sorry and feels now that she overreacted (after talking it over with a GF). She asked me to forgive her and asked if we could still be friends and maybe hang out again.

I replied: I greatly appreciate you taking the time to set things straight. I would be lying if I said your words last night weren't extremely insulting. You said a number of things to me in the short time I have known you that clearly led me to believe you had a ribald sense of humor. And I never in my wildest dreams thought that joke would in any way offend you. In fact, I apologize if it caused you any discomfort whatsoever. And of course I forgive you. No hard feelings on my end at all. Though I think this whole episode may be an indication that we should go our separate ways. I wish you nothing but the best in life and enjoyed meeting you. Take care.

To which she replied: Fuck you.

So... Psycho chick verified. I stand vindicated and it feels good!

Kudos to the few guys in this thread who read this situation for what it was.


So I was pricing dog food in a supermarket in expectation of potentially buying a puppy for my kids. A girl was picking up some stuff for her own pup. We began to chat. I asked her if she might be willing to give me some tips on housebreaking as I have never done it before. She said sure. We exchanged numbers.

From a physical standpoint this female was not my "type". I am into girly-girls and this woman was more akin to a WMMA fighter. Tatted up and a little tough looking. But she did a nice job with her makeup and had what was obviously a fairly expensive nail job. And she smelled good. So, I guess, sort of a mixed bag.

I never reached out because, again, I had some conflicting feelings about my level of attraction to her. But about a week later she texted me. Just shared some brief, random shit - What she had had for lunch, sent me a pic of her (adorable) dog and a pic of her kids. She asked me if I had bought the puppy yet. I said "no" and that was about it.

Giving the whole thing some more thought I decided to text her the following day. I asked if she would like to come over to my place some night that week to hang out and talk. She said absolutely and showed up two nights later. We had some drinks and became more familiar with one another.

We talked about a range of issues but for the purpose of this post I am only going to share the pertinent piece. In telling me about her job she mentions that there was an older married guy she worked with whose nickname for her was "slutbags". He also called her "whore money" (a play on her name, Harmony). He also shared X rated memes with her on his phone almost daily. She told me how hilarious she found it all. Said she took no offense and was actually planning to eventually go on a fishing trip with this guy and several other men from work. She said she grew up as an army brat and knew how to be "one of the boys".

So, whatever. In my mind she loses points with this. But at least, I think to myself, she's not the kind of crazy, PC chick who is going to run to her HR because a man in her office compliments her dress. Maybe she's too far in the opposite extreme. If nothing else I feel like I have an accurate sense of where her boundaries are.

The evening ended. I made no moves and was not even slightly flirtatious. I was still completely on the fence about wanting to risk opening up that can of worms with this particular girl. Though she did strike me as cool and down to earth. As a thank you for her having come over and provided me with some housebreaking tips I thought it would be nice to give her a little gift. She had told me her astrological sign (which happened to be mine) so I ordered her a nice scented Sagittarius candle from Amazon and had it shipped to her house.

Between the time I ordered the candle and the time it arrived she and I shared a few more texts - about our kids, our schedules, the shut down, etc. She sent me some pics of her house and her backyard. She sent me some pics of a new smoker she had bought and a bunch of ribs she was soaking in preparation for it.

Anyway, the day she gets the candle she texts me and writes: Thank you so much for the gift. It's perfect. You are so thoughtful.

Attempting to deflect from the praise I decide to inject some levity: You're welcome. A girl can always use another vibrator. lol

She replies with what I assumed was a confusion emoji.

I write: Does the candle smell as good as the description made it sound?

She replies: I don't know. I haven't lit it yet.

But then I hear nothing else from her. A couple days later I text her and ask if she is free to meet me in the park that afternoon for a walk. No reply. I call her and get her voicemail and leave a brief message a couple hours later. She never texts or calls me back.

The next day I do get a text from her: I want to let you know that I intentionally did not respond to you yesterday. I found your text to me about the gift disturbing. It really creeped me out. I don't know whatever gave you the idea that you could say something like that to me. Please respect that I no longer want to communicate with you. Please do not call or text me in the future.

I replied: So the woman who thinks being called "slutbags" and "whore money" is hysterical was offended by a vibrator joke? Whatever. Enjoy your candle.

I cannot tell you HOW LIVID I am over this. (Maybe the fact I am making this long fucking post about it is the evidence.) NO WOMAN in my adult life has EVER accused me of being even slightly inappropriate - much less creepy to the point that they somehow feared interaction with me. I simply cannot wrap my head around this. I just can't let it go.

Can anyone out there shed light? Any insights from the men of the Berry? Thanks for letting me unload.
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It’s unfortunate as it seemed as though you had a good connection.

The lesson of this story is to not make jokes over text. You have no idea how the other person may interpret it.

It may lead to more boring texts, but it’s the safer option, especially in the beginning when you don’t really know each other that well.

Women can be very unforgiving when you screw up the attraction in the beginning of the interaction.

Tough break, man.
 
ultramanhyata said:
But, again, wouldn't the reasonable thing be to just explain this? As opposed to saying "never contact me again" over one, single, humorous misstep?

And aren't there levels to injecting a word like "vibrator" into a conversation with a girl? Saying "a girl can always use another vibrator" is a lot different than saying something like "Do you like to use a vibrator when you masturbate?" right?

Had I said something like the latter out of the blue in a conversation I could understand a woman being rightly creeped out.
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Yeah, women can be very unforgiving whenever you ruin the attraction in the beginning.
 
ultramanhyata said:
Ok. This is going to be my final post in this thread. So, back by popular demand - but for one night only. I am shooting y’all straight here. No BS.

First, the central gist of my original OP is true. But, yes, I did manipulate some facts for entertainment value and storytelling purposes.

Second, I never anticipated in my wildest imaginings that someone (or many someones) would directly connect the candle to the vibrator reference. As I stated once before - the candle I bought was not candlestick style. It was short and stout and set in a glass jar with a lid. Anyone who actually saw it would have known it wasn’t even remotely phallic.

But, of course, you don’t think of specifically explaining the dimensions of a candle in a story like this when you know the candle is irrelevant to your ultimate point. I was oblivious to the fact that a reader might envision a type of candle that could reasonably be used as a sex toy. (Though candles don’t vibrate. Which everyone knows. So unless you’re confusing dildos and vibrators it still makes zero sense to connect any type of candle to a vibrator. FYI.)

Third, the vibrator line was pre-planned. And the gift could have been a mug or a keychain or a book or anything else. The line still would have worked - had the set-up gone according to plan.

I thought to myself “When she thanks me for the Amazon candle I will say, ‘Candle? But I ordered you a vibrator??”

But she failed to text the word “candle” in her thank you. So the punch line got fucked up. She just said “Thank you for the gift”. So then I’m trying to think on my feet (mistake) wanting to salvage this decent joke and I write “Well I figured a woman can always use another vibrator.” Thinking she’s going to reply “But this is a candle.” And then I’m going to write, “Candle? Amazon must have screwed up my order.”

But she again does not reply as anticipated, just sending me a confused emoji at which point I try to cut my losses on the joke bombing by just entering back into a serious question about the candle.

However, thanks to the “glory” of Sherdog this one, single misinterpreted piece of the story has been escalated by group confabulation into me being the guy who bought a girl a candle, suggested she use it as a sex toy and was then so insulted by the fact that this “joke” totally creeped her out that I made a whole thread about it to share my righteous indignation with the world.

And this is the narrative that caused this thread to blow up beyond anything I ever even remotely imagined when I made it. But even if the entertainment is ultimately at my fucking expense at least I brought some enjoyment to some fellow MMA fans during a difficult time.

In the illustrious words of Mr. Max Holloway: It is what it is. Peace out, Sherbros.
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Your joke wasn’t funny to begin with, what would be the context for it?
The fact that the vibrator is an x-rated subject and she told you about how she enjoys x-rated humor with her co-workers?

That’s too on the nose man, it’s not organic.

Besides the nicknames did she imply or allude to anything about actually being a “slut” or enjoying vibrators? If not then why would you send one? The punchline doesn’t connect to anything. Even if it worked like you planned, what would she respond to that type of statement? How would you respond when she says “Why?”

Would have been easier to send an x-rated meme saying “this reminded me of your coworker lol”

You don’t have rapport with her like they do. Maybe she feels ok with the guy cracking those jokes cuz he’s older and married and maybe ultimately non-threatening, who knows but you should have made some x-rated jokes at that point to riff off her comments.

Not only was the joke bad, the set-up was terrible.
You are not good at predicting dialogue, there was no guarantee she would use the word candle.

Bad joke, bad setup, when the “joke” bombed you should have acknowledged it at the very least with a “jk lol dumb joke”, not only that but you fail to read women. She was probably mildy interested while you’re feeling too wishy washy to notice, you make a weird ass comment and then change subjects, then after she has obviously lost interest you keep texting and calling her.
 
Vibrator comment was way off base man - and it don’t really make any sense either, at least it’s not particularly humorous.

sorry my man, but you messed up, I think she’s in the right.
 
Thanks for bumping this thread. It needs to live forever.
 
The level of comfort that the girl has around the creepy old guy at work isn't necessarily the level of comfort that she'll have with "I just struck up a conversation about puppies" guy. Not too hard to understand IMO.

It's not hard to see why she might be offended. Looks like she originally thought you weren't like "creepy old dude". Turns out you actually are.
 
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