Writing a song, need feedback

[CrimsonFan]

Lay into me sherbros. What do you think?

 

[SakurabasEar]

Solid guitar work

your voice sounds like a drunk uncle at the local karaoke bar

 

[zapataxiv]

solid bars

"give me the D,
RAM it make me bleed,
I'm a size queen,
split me open
I need a poken"

this part of your song was quite brave

 

[Van Daz]

Lay into me sherbros. What do you think?

Pretty good, bro. Reminds me of an early 90's song, like stone temple pilots.

Just need drums, base, electric guitar & a cool video clip.

 

[GergreG]

I'm no muso but I believe if you leave your microphone too close to the speakers you may get some feedback? I could be wrong though.

 

[Kassitus]

As a former song writer I can tell you the main thing is to not be discouraged if your song starts out sounding like shit or too much like generic radio trash. Just modify it, over time, try new ideas, experiment. Eventually it will become your own and suck kinda less.

 

[triptych]

Lay into me sherbros. What do you think?

Very good guitar work, cool vocals sounds like America meets Neil Young via Alice n Chains .....arrangements are good, which makes the big diff in the end. Keep on, you're going places.