I agree with the bold part but we have to have the talk about being an abusive prick vs tough love and this comes down to ego. I will get in to this but first lets talk about cobra kai being abusive or not.
Cobra Kai context:
Aside from Tory, we did not see Tyrone and other Kim Sun Yung trained senseis be overly abusive. Remember, the series takes place in the modern times. I am sure if Terry did train kids like they used to during Master Kim era, they would all quite on the first day. Not to mentioned lawsuits...
So in a way, all of Master Kims disciples are teaching todays generation a more pussified version of the old school training that was taught 80 years ago. They have to otherwise they would go out of business. We saw Terry owned cobra kai training, the fact is, Kyler has the ability to stop mid-way and tell Kenny:
Hey yo bro, Sloowwwww down man, your making us look bad!
This implies that Terry has ordered the Korean trained senseis to hold back on the disciplining. I have never seen a real life dojo in which one member stops another mid-drill to tell them to slow down. Usually in real life, they get called out for it or are told to not speak.
Tory did get abused and it was straight up criminal, no question about that.
Regarding abuse vs tough love:
Abusive teachers tend to do so from a place of ego. They psychologically enjoy beating someone down. For me, it comes down to psychology of that teacher. If they enjoy yelling and screaming because its cathartic for them and makes them feel good. Then yes, they are an abusive piece of shit because they are using their social status as a therapy session and you literally end up paying for it.
That and an abusive teacher tends to be a prick outside of training and uses that status to further pull some alpha male bullshit. To that end, I agree with you 100 percent.
At the Korean Dojang I train at, my teacher sometimes yells and tells me to move it and it can sound abusive but after training, we go back to being friendly. That hostile style of training has NEVER ended up affecting how we interact. Every 3-4 sessions, we end up hanging out at the Dojang and have like 3 hours of conversation about life. He is a decade younger and we talk about our generation difference, politics and life in general from dating to favorite shows as well as him taking an interest in boxing and I tell him the different between boxing and Taekwondo/Tang Soo Do footwork.
That being said, I am a private student of a Korean Dojang. They demand perfection and in doing so, they will push you in a way that is not culturally compatible within the western world. This method has few particular flaws which one of them is what
@Kforcer mentioned in top post. Burning out and passion fizzling out and creativity going to shit. While a more relaxed training allows creativity to flourish while a brutal training gives urgency and cardio.
But going back to abuse vs tough training. I can say that psychologically speaking, my teacher has ZERO ill will and we both know how to turn it off and have hours of friendly conversation. Last thing and most important thing that separates a tough teacher vs abusive teacher is...
Openness in communication, a tough teacher is open to discuss their tough training and happily share ( with a smile as you mentioned) about what they experienced and what is the driving factor their method. That and if you are injured or extremely beat up, they are ok with you requesting an easy mode ( I have asked this before ) like having a light day or just a technique day because the rapport has been established.
Abusive teacher does not let you talk, not open to any modification, yells and screams like a maniac if their method is challenged and is dismissive as well as temperamental and demands loyalty while not reciprocating.
Also I fully read
@Kforcer post about his wrestling experience. I have had boxing coaches who super nice and laid back people but never had any interest to push me to my limits. They were friendly but there was a lack of interest in my improvement and seeing me reach my full potential.
P.S: We DO NOT use Mother Love in modern times! Legit you would sued to the living dept!