It's not a hate-thing, and even with the pal-filtered, 30 year trust-worthiness, there were a lot of good girls, and I had a great time, if a magic girl was there, I'd've likely partook. So a congrats to me from me, and also, I know where you're coming from, I really don't need.
I mean of course I need it, we would be lifelong lovers, not opposed to the thought on the right occasion, I'm not a hypocrite, I'm not untiedup in things, but it's funny how one person, or some people, or a poem can carry power. Bordering on the maudlin (did I mention it was really good, and the night's still the night until you sleep - I'm lingering on a great vibe, the flow). I've mentioned some of this before, so apologies for the indulgence, me me me, center of attention. I used to have the girls I'd pick up post with me, there's some of those in the archives, but when it's just you, and you wake up and it's still just you, I'm kind of the one big deal in my life at the moment, I check on me, I pull up covers, I root for me, not all the time, but working. Some of the ones you know and share, full-well.
Jim Morrison and Me: Ever Since I was a kid, just loved the classics and literature,, the really good shit, the shit you're force-fed, I still hold dear. ....but why I was a whole life, and had my next probably 15 or 20 years. I was in 8th Grade First Period. and I was asleep, we were living in a motel near the school in those day, and I wasn't doing much in the way of sleeping, but I fell asleep reading the book and some girl thought it was a visual moment of me sleeping with his biography in my hand, "No One Here Get's Out Alive" my head is slumped on the book it photogenic way, one of those rare pictures that no only tells a story to any random body, this was a moment that completely changed my life. I was on the trajectory to probably arrive in close to the same spot. ..\\ but, he fast-tracked me ten years of where I'd be on my own, I read every book he read or was mentioned, and that book literally changed who I was, only one other book has done that.
I've always felt, I owe about 90 percent of who I am to Jim Morrison, not the yuks and all the drunk shit, the guy. I thought he was a beautiful dude under it all. It felt to me like everything was irony with him. He is in my soul as much as anything like that can be a thing. I don't wanna be Jim Morrison, I KNEW I would die young, like my heroes, but he also showed me I'm fucking crazy, doing crazy shit, and I don't get to get away forever, almost forever, but this great guy, this fucking dude, a theater and film man, burned up in a flame. My wife/kids vaugely know this, but not like you now. I feel I owe a lot to him and his presence. He gave me my life, and THEN, he showed me none it does matter you can be wiped , anyway, not much of a secret. He showed me what to try to be , but not to fall back into construction worlk as a lifestyle. The day I became older than him, my world broke.He's done some crazy shit, I have too. Respect his death by trying to sidestep, at times, the most insane situations that you gravitate to -
I know, you see me from your vantage point, and when I'm posting, it's not much different. That's my M.O. I would hope when we meet, whenever wherever, I would be a better person than in your head. I've been here since '98/ printed convos on paper in the forums. So you know me. I try to be the opposite of the catfish, even with girls. I hope you don't see me as a pile of complete shit. You see me clean shaven at a book store and we hand, ...and then go do cocaine in the toilet and introduce me to the wife and kids.
2. Burroughs/Rimbaud
Not giving away any secrets, or full m.o. (sorry, watching the fights in the other room, go Molly Meatball, her attitude here is beautiful)
I have ties you don't know, well, Petey knows, but after Jim, (Henry Miller hit hard after Jim before everything else), shit was a blur of reading, again, shit on the schedule, I'm sure I'd get there but I threw all that out the door (no shit pun) and literally just read every single book he mentioned, simultaneously loving Joseph Campbell and studying Shakes and Joyce, that not to be cocky, it's like tornado, For all my regrets, I'm so happy the fucking time and life I put in with Shakespeare and Joyce. I was gonna write a book on Shakespeare at 24, I still have all the shit an layout, I thought it was an original vantage take, every play, every sonnet. And I wasn't gonna tell anybody, the only people who knew were the wife and kids, and I hate if this is coming off ass arrogance, I don't know how it can be seen that way, I'm a fucking mudpuddle who likes and fascinated with beautiful shit and interacting personal (that you'll never see),
My gutting myself through all the years hear I HOPE doesn't come off as smug. I've had some college, a university, 6 years and AA, I got hurt and I had a wife and kids and I lived 130 miles away at college and crammed soo much shit into those years, I mean 38 credit, old professors telling my new old professors, listen this guy got hurt, he has no money, this is the paperwork, by the paperwork, this can't happen, as a prof. and knowing this man(I have transcripts with different words, but was in the room when my greatest professor was on the phone in front of me with my Nietzsche/Post-modern prof, who was a genius,
This guy was throw back, remember when all the bad diseases we're innoculated agaist were dropping people, he was one of those fucked up kids, maybe don't walk, etc. You could tall he'd been through it. Anyway, I found in the early and expensive days of the internet and VHS, I'd spent (w/consent) our tax returns to getVHS copies of Beckett plays, I have the biggest collection of Shakespeare productions and hard to find shit. And it does sound like I'm being smug, dude, I hope you don't feel that. I was a fucking mill worker, who read Poe and Melville and the roll and roll, that was my shit, never once thrust that on the wife kids (Well, that's not true), .....Not thrust upon, within the domicile I'm for other people, you don't believe me, you don't know.
sorry, did I mention I'm typing from the risduals of a cocaine party, i didn't do cocaine but I'm at a cocaine party.