washingtonpost.com/outlook/dear-fellow-white-people-heres-what-to-do-when-youre-called-racist
Even white people who consider themselves good allies of people of color can be unaware of their racial biases.
Step 1: Recognize that what matters most is what happened just now.
Step 2: Remember the broader context.
Even if you know in your heart that you are not racist, remember: It is possible to have implicit (or unconscious) racial biases.
Step 3: Stay calm and ask for clarification.
Take a deep breath and pause after being called racist. You will probably feel attacked and defensive.
Check those emotions and avoid argument.
Step 4: Really listen to the answer(s) you receive.
Swallow your pride. It’s hard. Don’t interrupt or justify yourself; you’re not on trial. Your goal in this exchange is to listen and learn.
Step 5: Express gratitude — then get to work.