Problem with an unwanted drilling partner

[biscuitsbrah]

So I’m relatively new to this gym. I take a bjj class from them about 3 days a week.
The quality of instruction is great and a lot of the techniques is more basics and less sport techniques which is kind of what I’m looking for mma purposes.

Anyways the problem is that I have this uh, very large girl that partners with me every time now.

First of all I’m probably the lightest guy in the gym. I weigh about 145 lbs and she’s probably 200+.
Secondly this girl is a terrible white belt. She does NOT do the technique or the drill right ever. I feel like she doesnt even pay attention half the time, just muscles the technique and roughly does it.

The class normally starts off with drilling on the feet, whether it be a sacrifice throw or some type of takedown. She’s way too big or heavy for me to even drill the throws. And when it’s just drill whatever takedown you want, she refuses to be taken down because she’s so big and lazy, so all we do is drill fucking entries the whole time. Not to mention when we drill she’s a fucking spaz. Doesn’t really know takedowns so she will club me or muscle me or do some shit that is not only irritating but sometimes painful.

In the back of my mind I knew I should have not talked to her or have been friendly to her. It’s kind of sad because everyone else in this gym ignores and doesn’t talk to her at all either.
She goes up to me Every. Single. Time. and will body lock me from behind or just straight up make a b line for me when it’s time to drill. Says something like “hey partner” or “you’re partnering with me today”

It’s actually so bad that I’m going to start coming to class late from now own. Skip the warm ups, and wait for the partner drills to start. That way she will be partnered with some other poor soul and I can come in late and pick a group to partner with. I have a really bad feeling even if I come late she will be the odd man out, or she will be with the group of three and I will have to partner with her when I come. It’s worth a try because with her I might as not even drill anyway. Just show up to roll I guess

I also know that I’m newer so I should have to ‘pay my dues’ and be the odd one out with her. The guys all have been training with each other for a while and seem to know each other and be friends. But I just cant. I only go bjj 3 times a week and it’s killing me now.

Oh yeah not to mention the stand up portion is my favorite part of the drilling and I die inside a little each time I partner with her. Our black belt is a former collegiate wrestler and world class mma coach, and we also have an Olympic judoka who teaches as well.
I’m so small and she’s so round I can’t drill throws and I can barely drill ground techniques. And then the spaz techniques on the feet where I’m being clubbed or retardedly arm dragged all over the place

 

[Pierced7681]

Lmao just ignore her like the rest of the gym does, eventually she will get the hint and leave and go train elsewhere. Is normal for bjj gyms to do this to unwanted students.

 

[biscuitsbrah]

Lmao just ignore her like the rest of the gym does, eventually she will get the hint and leave and go train elsewhere. Is normal for bjj gyms to do this to unwanted students.

Sorry I edited my post and tried. This girl has been at this gym for like 2-3 years already. She b lines it to me now.

 

[Solidus Snake]

She goes up to me Every. Single. Time. and will body lock me from behind or just straight up make a b line for me when it’s time to drill. Says something like “hey partner” or “you’re partnering with me today”

Bro that's awkward as fuck.

I think you just need to be a bit unpleasant and tell her you need to train with people around your size. I mean sure coming late may work, but it sounds a bit like a cop out, if she's this clingy she'll probably keep on doing it and you'll lose valuable time you are also paying for.

I think it's very annoying to go the gym with the idea you'll have to be paired up with somebody you don't want to- to me as an anxious person it just used to be straight up terrible. It's better to clearly address it and forget about it.

 

[Old Man]

Partner up with someone before class starts.

 

[biscuitsbrah]

Bro that's awkward as fuck.

I think you just need to be a bit unpleasant and tell her you need to train with people around your size. I mean sure coming late may work, but it sounds a bit like a cop out, if she's this clingy she'll probably keep on doing it and you'll lose valuable time you are also paying for.

I think it's very annoying to go the gym with the idea you'll have to be paired up with somebody you don't want to- to me as an anxious person it just used to be straight up terrible. It's better to clearly address it and forget about it.

Yeah I might have to do that. I hate to be rude but the fact that I’m so small only amplifies the problem.
And yes, the first time she did it was super awkward. I know why she did it so aggressively though so she could secure a partner

Partner up with someone before class starts.

Everyone is friends already. They all have their normal partners. Plus I think there might be a stigma to some about being the ‘mma guy’ even though I’ve been doing bjj for 8 years.
But I’m just a 1 stripe blue so I digress.

 

[biscuitsbrah]

Also she’s the type of person who tries to cross choke you from inside your guard. Just uses her weight and forearm to smash you.

Also her arm drag is not really an arm drag. When drilling she 2-on-1’s your wrist and yanks your forearm and expects me to just turn away and give up my back. (Which I do lol)

I just wanted to say I can not overstate how bad this is for my mental health

 

[EndlessCritic]

She goes up to me Every. Single. Time. and will body lock me from behind

Just turn in your man card. It's over.

 

[ITRDC5]

Man that does seem awkward , I've had the same with a female who is actually my size ( 135 lbs ) except she was a total spazz and didn't pay attention to anyone.


Having a good training partner is actually quite important I'm sure you know .

The only thing I would suggest is going to some of the smaller guys and saying do you mind if I train with you today ? If she is weird to you just say that you have an injury and want to train with smaller people for a bit

 

[yetanother]

If you go late you will be paired with her if she is the odd training partner.

 

[Derousey]

defeated by the fat chick...

 

[Pierced7681]

defeated by the fat chick...

seppuku only option imo

 

[RemyR]

I got no advice here but this shit is hilarious thanks for sharing

 

[Fatality]

Next time you're rolling, give her a little extra rub on the monkey. She'll either be uncomfortable with you and avoid you or you'll end up balls deep in Shamu.

 

[biscuitsbrah]

You guys may laugh at my pain but this is a very serious problem. I’m actually having nightmares and trouble sleeping at night

 

[ChickenBrother]

So I’m relatively new to this gym. I take a bjj class from them about 3 days a week.
The quality of instruction is great and a lot of the techniques is more basics and less sport techniques which is kind of what I’m looking for mma purposes.

Anyways the problem is that I have this uh, very large girl that partners with me every time now.

First of all I’m probably the lightest guy in the gym. I weigh about 145 lbs and she’s probably 200+.
Secondly this girl is a terrible white belt. She does NOT do the technique or the drill right ever. I feel like she doesnt even pay attention half the time, just muscles the technique and roughly does it.

The class normally starts off with drilling on the feet, whether it be a sacrifice throw or some type of takedown. She’s way too big or heavy for me to even drill the throws. And when it’s just drill whatever takedown you want, she refuses to be taken down because she’s so big and lazy, so all we do is drill fucking entries the whole time. Not to mention when we drill she’s a fucking spaz. Doesn’t really know takedowns so she will club me or muscle me or do some shit that is not only irritating but sometimes painful.

In the back of my mind I knew I should have not talked to her or have been friendly to her. It’s kind of sad because everyone else in this gym ignores and doesn’t talk to her at all either.
She goes up to me Every. Single. Time. and will body lock me from behind or just straight up make a b line for me when it’s time to drill. Says something like “hey partner” or “you’re partnering with me today”

It’s actually so bad that I’m going to start coming to class late from now own. Skip the warm ups, and wait for the partner drills to start. That way she will be partnered with some other poor soul and I can come in late and pick a group to partner with. I have a really bad feeling even if I come late she will be the odd man out, or she will be with the group of three and I will have to partner with her when I come. It’s worth a try because with her I might as not even drill anyway. Just show up to roll I guess

I also know that I’m newer so I should have to ‘pay my dues’ and be the odd one out with her. The guys all have been training with each other for a while and seem to know each other and be friends. But I just cant. I only go bjj 3 times a week and it’s killing me now.

Oh yeah not to mention the stand up portion is my favorite part of the drilling and I die inside a little each time I partner with her. Our black belt is a former collegiate wrestler and world class mma coach, and we also have an Olympic judoka who teaches as well.
I’m so small and she’s so round I can’t drill throws and I can barely drill ground techniques. And then the spaz techniques on the feet where I’m being clubbed or retardedly arm dragged all over the place

Dude have to admit this made me chuckle, but I feel for you and this is a shitty position to be in. I experienced this at my gym but with a 250 lbs go-hard dude with retard strength that no one else wanted to roll with. I'm 170 and he'd always grab me to partner up because we're both older guys (I'm 47). It wouldn't have been so bad if he respected that ~80 lbs is an almost insurmountable size and strength differential when we're both in shape and relatively strong for our size. So every time was him muscling position on me, cranking the shit out of gi chokes over my chin, leg scissoring my head full strength giving me cauliflower ear, etc.

I like the guy so didn't want to make it any more awkward. But I finally leveled with him and was like, "Hey man, you're going way too hard and you're not letting me work. You have like 80 lbs on me and if you're just going to muscle everything, it's not productive training for either of us." He acknowledged this and eased off a little for the rest of the roll. But he's still a terrible drilling/rolling partner for me and when it's time to pair up, I just turn away and grab whoever is on my other side. If everyone is taken I find a pair of guys my size and ask to work in as a threesome. If he's the odd man out, the coach reassigns partners and makes him partner with another big guy (I'm one of the smaller guys in the class so it's never me). Either way, I get to drill with people closer to my size.

But with this woman, is she actually able to muscle you around? Most 200+ women I've trained around are fat and if you're an athletic 145 lbs dude, I suspect you're stronger at least in upper body and with grips?

Regardless, if you're paying for training and aren't getting it AND you're feeling anxious outside of class, that sucks and shouldn't be happening. Just tell her you want to partner with someone else your size. Also wouldn't hurt to mention it to the instructor before class so he knows you're not OK with it.

 

[jpak]

Does everybody else always seem to pair with the same person?

I’d just say I prefer to drill with different people every class as I feel that would be more beneficial to my overall improvement… which is also not a lie

 

[biscuitsbrah]

Dude have to admit this made me chuckle, but I feel for you and this is a shitty position to be in. I experienced this at my gym but with a 250 lbs go-hard dude with retard strength that no one else wanted to roll with. I'm 170 and he'd always grab me to partner up because we're both older guys (I'm 47). It wouldn't have been so bad if he respected that ~80 lbs is an almost insurmountable size and strength differential when we're both in shape and relatively strong for our size. So every time was him muscling position on me, cranking the shit out of gi chokes over my chin, leg scissoring my head full strength giving me cauliflower ear, etc.

I like the guy so didn't want to make it any more awkward. But I finally leveled with him and was like, "Hey man, you're going way too hard and you're not letting me work. You have like 80 lbs on me and if you're just going to muscle everything, it's not productive training for either of us." He acknowledged this and eased off a little for the rest of the roll. But he's still a terrible drilling/rolling partner for me and when it's time to pair up, I just turn away and grab whoever is on my other side. If everyone is taken I find a pair of guys my size and ask to work in as a threesome. If he's the odd man out, the coach reassigns partners and makes him partner with another big guy (I'm one of the smaller guys in the class so it's never me). Either way, I get to drill with people closer to my size.

But with this woman, is she actually able to muscle you around? Most 200+ women I've trained around are fat and if you're an athletic 145 lbs dude, I suspect you're stronger at least in upper body and with grips?

Regardless, if you're paying for training and aren't getting it AND you're feeling anxious outside of class, that sucks and shouldn't be happening. Just tell her you want to partner with someone else your size. Also wouldn't hurt to mention it to the instructor before class so he knows you're not OK with it.

She’s not able to muscle me but her technique is so bad that I have to let her do the spazzy things or she will accomplish nothing.
Your situation definitely sounded worse though. I’d rather not get training than get injured by huge spazzy dude. Both are horrible positions to be in though

 

[rmongler]

She’s not able to muscle me but her technique is so bad that I have to let her do the spazzy things or she will accomplish nothing.

Don't do this. Keep it real. Do your thing.
If she dies, she dies.

 

[ChickenBrother]

She’s not able to muscle me but her technique is so bad that I have to let her do the spazzy things or she will accomplish nothing.
Your situation definitely sounded worse though. I’d rather not get training than get injured by huge spazzy dude. Both are horrible positions to be in though

Obviously should limit your resistance during drilling but you shouldn't be "selling" the technique for her. That only encourages her to keep doing it incorrectly. Surprised an instructor isn't coming around to correct her if she's really that bad.

But if she can't muscle you, sounds like you're overthinking this and making it worse than it is. Don't worry about hurting her feelings if it's causing you this much anxiety. Just say you want to drill with others closer to your size - completely understandable. BTW I'm still on friendly terms with the 250 lbs spaz with retard strength, I just don't drill with him every class... or at all if I can help it.