Social Put friend on plane, died 12 hours later

MusterX said:
I was with you until you quoted Confucius to a drug addict who also knew you were quoting Confucius.
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I heard it somewhere, I think the art of war. His main concern was getting away from police.
 
Sorry for your loss TS. You probably shouldn’t have drank with him if you know he has substance abuse problems; but it’s certainly not your fault that he does, or that he overdosed.
 
Jesus H. Sherdog said:
Sorry for your loss TS. You probably shouldn’t have drank with him if you know he has substance abuse problems; but it’s certainly not your fault that he does, or that he overdosed.
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I will add to the original post, he had been smoking weed, doing shrooms, and shooting up that weekend before he called me and I only knew about the shrooms and weed.
 
Sorry for your loss.

One of my childhood friends was on meth for the greater part of our twenties.

The most helpful advice I got about it was "humble yourself". By blaming yourself, or making it your responsibility to fix it, you're ascribing power to yourself that you don't have. Addiction is a massively difficult problem. People get all the best help that there is and still don't make it out.

Sounds like you were a good friend to him, and that's all you can do.
 
Simian Raticus said:
Sorry for your loss.

One of my childhood friends was on meth for the greater part of our twenties.

The most helpful advice I got about it was "humble yourself". By blaming yourself, or making it your responsibility to fix it, you're ascribing power to yourself that you don't have. Addiction is a massively difficult problem. People get all the best help that there is and still don't make it out.

Sounds like you were a good friend to him, and that's all you can do.
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I’m sorry, I know it is a selfish question. If I hadn’t driven him to the airport I wouldn’t ask the question. I just feel like, in real time, I could’ve said and done a multitude of things to prevent this.
 
Wow, dude.

That's pretty heavy.

While I'll agree with others that given his addictions, drinking box wine with him when he's already fucked up probably wasn't the best decision, but it sounds like whatever happened was bound to happen with or without you.

So, not your fault.

Condolences.
 
As others have said/will say, you can’t blame yourself. From your description — the history you told us — it seemed as though your friend was determined to get back to a place that was darker than Boise with the intention of getting high. This is speculation though.

Whether or not it was a natural cause, it’s clearly not your fault. I learned a long time ago that addicts will… use; there is no stopping them. And even though I know this, and have had experiences over the years, I haven’t always set the proper boundaries. You drove your bro to the airport. That’s not indulging him, or overstepping some boundary, so no use in feeling guilty.
 
panem-et-circenses said:
As others have said/will say, you can’t blame yourself. From your description — the history you told us — it seemed as though your friend was determined to get back to a place that was darker than Boise with the intention of getting high. This is speculation though.

Whether or not it was a natural cause, it’s clearly not your fault. I learned a long time ago that addicts will… use; there is no stopping them. And even though I know this, and have had experiences over the years, I haven’t always set the proper boundaries. You drove your bro to the airport. That’s not indulging him, or overstepping some boundary, so no use in feeling guilty.
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thank you
 
BloodyPoptart said:
I’m sorry, I know it is a selfish question. If I hadn’t driven him to the airport I wouldn’t ask the question. I just feel like, in real time, I could’ve said and done a multitude of things to prevent this.
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You're asking questions anyone in your shoes would wanna ask.

I think when heavy shit happens in life, blaming ourselves is maybe a way of feeling like we're in control.

Truth this, we're really not. We do the best we can, but we're not God.
 
RoyalTS said:
You can't really listen to Bob Dylan without some wine ...
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I was a hippy kid in high school but didn’t get bob Dylan. I did mushrooms in July with the roommates on the river and was playing bob Dylan for an hour, first time I got it. Happiest I’ve been in 10 years. So happy. Plugged in.

mdma has fried my serotonin but somehow, happiest I have ever been. Hugging trees, lost my phone. Terminally happy
 
BloodyPoptart said:
I was a hippy kid in high school but didn’t get bob Dylan. I did mushrooms in July with the roommates on the river and was playing bob Dylan for an hour, first time I got it. Happiest I’ve been in 10 years. So happy. Plugged in.

mdma has fried my serotonin but somehow, happiest I have ever been. Hugging trees, lost my phone. Terminally happy
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Man, I was a huge Bob Dylan fan and he was a major inspiration to me as a person and my art.
Take care and stay safe!
 
BloodyPoptart said:


Boise airport before he left



RIP Cole K.
*** Any responses appreciated. It’s sherdog. Be honest. but this just happened and I’m just trying to think of every angle.

My friend Cole had off-and-on substance abuse issues, he once ODd in my living room when we’d been getting high with friends, he used IV, and I didn’t. Cole was 24. We got him help, he was fine. Months later he was cleaned up, working a good job. Cole was homeless in Boise, ID. His parents were good people but kicked him out.

4 months after getting a job and saving money for a place, he gets fired for showing up to work after drinking. They fired him and told his probation officer. He was on 1 year probation. That was Friday.

Sunday afternoon he calls me and says he’s in my living room and needs a ride to the greyhound, this is unusual, he never goes into my house without calling first. I show up, he tells me his woes, we go to his moms a mile away, he gets his things, we come back to my place. he sleeps on my couch for 4-5 hours, I’m thinking he’ll sleep it off. The whole time I rationalize the situation and tell him that even if he violates his probation he’s gonna do maybe a week in jail. He’s depressed and determined to leave. Tells me he has to leave. We watch the bob Dylan documentary No Direction Home and drink box wine, he says he’s never coming back to Boise.

***Cole had been smoking weed, doing shrooms, and get hitting the vein from Friday after he got fired to Saturday night before he showed up to my place on Sunday.


At this point he seems set on going and I tell him “sometimes more is lost by inaction than the wrong action”, I think it’s Confucian and might console him.
He says “yeah Confucius’ dead dog?”

He buys a ticket to New York on my phone, I drive him to the airport, he asks me to play “It’s alright Ma I’m only bleeding”.

He gets on a plane, 15 hours later he dies in Bushwick at his old spot, they find him in my blue Columbia in a cafe bathroom. His mom called me at 6pm today asking if I knew anything about the lead-up to his departure.

Is this my fault?
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Sorry for your your lost and sorry he couldn't beat his demons.


I'm curious what drug started you guys on this path?always trying to learn what causes or connects to hard addictions.
 
Honestly, it sounds like he was going back "home" to die and he knew it. Whether you got him to the airport or not he would have found a way home eventually.

What you did was just be a friend to him and give him some final good times just hanging out and being a friend. You didn't judge him or tell him what to do or act like his parent. He probably spent the last few years of his life with every single person trying to "fix" him and that's just annoying.

He was probably thankful to just be somewhat "normal" towards the end.
 
BloodyPoptart said:


Boise airport before he left



RIP Cole K.
*** Any responses appreciated. It’s sherdog. Be honest. but this just happened and I’m just trying to think of every angle.

My friend Cole had off-and-on substance abuse issues, he once ODd in my living room when we’d been getting high with friends, he used IV, and I didn’t. Cole was 24. We got him help, he was fine. Months later he was cleaned up, working a good job. Cole was homeless in Boise, ID. His parents were good people but kicked him out.

4 months after getting a job and saving money for a place, he gets fired for showing up to work after drinking. They fired him and told his probation officer. He was on 1 year probation. That was Friday.

Sunday afternoon he calls me and says he’s in my living room and needs a ride to the greyhound, this is unusual, he never goes into my house without calling first. I show up, he tells me his woes, we go to his moms a mile away, he gets his things, we come back to my place. he sleeps on my couch for 4-5 hours, I’m thinking he’ll sleep it off. The whole time I rationalize the situation and tell him that even if he violates his probation he’s gonna do maybe a week in jail. He’s depressed and determined to leave. Tells me he has to leave. We watch the bob Dylan documentary No Direction Home and drink box wine, he says he’s never coming back to Boise.

***Cole had been smoking weed, doing shrooms, and get hitting the vein from Friday after he got fired to Saturday night before he showed up to my place on Sunday.


At this point he seems set on going and I tell him “sometimes more is lost by inaction than the wrong action”, I think it’s Confucian and might console him.
He says “yeah Confucius’ dead dog?”

He buys a ticket to New York on my phone, I drive him to the airport, he asks me to play “It’s alright Ma I’m only bleeding”.

He gets on a plane, 15 hours later he dies in Bushwick at his old spot, they find him in my blue Columbia in a cafe bathroom. His mom called me at 6pm today asking if I knew anything about the lead-up to his departure.

Is this my fault?
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Sounds like you did what you can do, you can't save people that don't want to be saved

Probably have one friend made his life bit longer if anything
 
kenetics said:
Sorry for your your lost and sorry he couldn't beat his demons.


I'm curious what drug started you guys on this path?always trying to learn what causes or connects to hard addictions.
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Always smoked weed, since 9-10 y/o, alcohol 16ish, always okay with acid/mushrooms, ecstasy as a pathway to every other drug. It’s a hallucinogen but also amphetamine, then adderall, then Oxy, then heroin, then fentanyl.
 
BloodyPoptart said:
Always smoked weed, since 9-10 y/o, alcohol 16ish, always okay with acid/mushrooms, ecstasy as a pathway to every other drug. It’s a hallucinogen but also amphetamine, then adderall, then Oxy, then heroin, then fentanyl.
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Was weed not enough of a high or you just wanted to see what others drugs did ?

I only ask because i never did drugs or really drank alcohol. I do have family that got addicted to some drugs too. They all started with weed .

But then I hear weed not a gateway drug. What do you think ? Or do you think it's just because people have addictive personalities.

Damn , 10 yrs is young man.
 
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