Why does every guy talk about how bad marriage is?

[jx820]

There's a lot of "boomer humor" bitching about your wife, but most married men I know, specifically my peers are happily married.

My peers who've had their marriages fall apart and wreck their lives are usually people making horrible life choices. If she's in a more culty sect of christiantiy and you don't want to convert, you're going to have a rough marriage. If your partner doesn't have a handle on their substance abuse, it you try to save someone from deportation, if she thinks masturbation is infidelity and you love porn, if you've never lived together or shared any bills you may be setting yourself up for a fall.

I've literally seen every one of those wreck things.

And yeah, it is definitely true that having kids can have a major impact on your sex life and both family and relationship dynamics change as you get older. But, on the whole, married life is good if you both know what you want out of life and you have an honest open relationship. You'll still have challenges and rough patches but good faith, mutual respect and as much sex as you can manage will bridge a lot of gaps.

I've never heard anyone say "yeah, we try to be our best selves for each other, we screw like rabbits, and we make a good team... but it just isn't working out".

Good luck.

 

[Fedorgasm]

I get laid way more as a married man than I would if I were single.

It just seems like more effort when you're single.

With my wife we can skip right to the good stuff, and she already knows what I like in bed, and vice versa.

Marriage ain't perfect but I find it's better than being single. For me, at least. But I understand why some dudes avoid it.

 

[560ti]

Because most guys marry based on how attractive the woman is rather than if they have a lot in common and connect on a personal level.

Pretty much describes 90% of the marriages of the kids I went to high school with.

The dudes mostly went for physical attraction but then are confused as to why they aren't psychological/emotional connected. Once life/stress kicks in they stop trying. Not a lot of quality time, conversations are bland/lack depth, no real shared interest/hobbies. Even worst when kids are thrown into the mix, they start the whole co-parent routine and it's common to make children your #1 priority when it should actually be your marriage.

Most of the women I went to high school with are all hopped up on anti-depression meds like Lexapro or Prozac. They think hitting all these milestones they see on Instagram like wedding, cute little house, and kids will fill an internal void and it doesn't. It actually makes the depression even worst because these milestones not only don't fill the void, but it makes the daily stress even worst. Results in not having a very deep personality which makes personal connection to someone else really difficult.

 

[blaseblase]

I'm aware of my wifes kinks
I dont lack sex, I'm just saying that if a marriage starts getting sex craved, it's doomed. From what I've seen, therapists may offer short term help but wont save your marriage.

see law taking guy's post on bj's, to me, that's mind boggling that it can slip for 8 years without much afterthought.

does your marriage councellor know how to solve that issue, does he/she even acknowledge that's a problem? This is not something that is often taught

I read his post and the guy spent 7 and a half years without a BJ and never brought it up once. That's clearly a communication problem. I have no idea how people can be together that long and let's things go unspoken. You shouldn't even need a marriage counselor to address something like that. They are your significant other. Talk to them.

 

[ThaiSexPills]

This is a good and mature perspective on the subject.



However I take major issue with this statement. Its simply cope and reinterpretation "emotional bonding".
There is no way shape or form that banging your 50 year old wifes body is on the same level as when she was 25.
Its one factor why guys who hadn't married yet like myself, can still be enticed by the idea and very real possibility of marrying an emotionally mature mid-late 20's girl now in my 40's.
It is what it is, but if you feel its better now for you than ever before thats great and I am happy this aspect came back for you.

You’ve obviously never been with a cougar as a young man and it shows. I hope it’s not too late for you to experience a recently divorced and infinitely horny older woman.

Just don’t act surprised when they say they’re on their period and say “wow, you still get those?” as a joke because they will not find it funny at all.

 

[chardog]

I read his post and the guy spent 7 and a half years without a BJ and never brought it up once. That's clearly a communication problem. I have no idea how people can be together that long and let's things go unspoken. You shouldn't even need a marriage counselor to address something like that. They are your significant other. Talk to them.

because talking about sex can be awkward. I imagine sex is often spontaneous at the beginning, and not much is spoken. Early on, when stuff is popping all the time, do you even need to ask/talk? You make your move and it's on. Fast forward pregnancy, all WILL go completely haywire. You're going to need not only casual speaking on the subject, you need to establish concrete rules regarding the situation, and NOT leave it up to chance and hormones.

those first two years after the first kid will be traumatic, learning the ropes of new things, preserving old things will become a bit more difficult. You may need to learn how to cohabit with the other person if you havent lived together before, finances, etc. Communication can happen, and you can make a wish list, but what if it's not enforced? Knowing your partner wants/needs sex, is not the same as making it happen. There's a bit more than communication, you need a plan, the plan has to be agreed upon, the plan needs to be enforced like a contract.... because, that's just one kid so far, that's two years you might have lost, another kid along the way, the time can pile up quickly, and if there's no plan, no concrete expectation, these scenarios are way more common.

if anything, before getting married, a marriage training session from long term married folks would be immensely helpful, because this stuff is NOT intuitive, a sizeable percent of the population live in sexless marriages, and that's defined as once every six months. to me, if you're not doing it once a month, that's sexless, and from what I recall, that's half of all marriages................

 

[method115]

Getting with the wrong person. It's the same way guys talk about sex getting worse, no bjs, etc. My wife's BJs have only increased and they are damn near euphoric at this point. I spent our years together training her.

She spent years training me with emotional stuff. I think I'm pretty good now.

 

[king hippo]

This is so true. In October I mentioned to my wife that she hadn’t given me a blowjob since March of 2016. She got upset for some reason, asked why I didn’t say anything earlier. I didn’t think she would somehow need reminding that she hadn’t had a penis in her mouth for seven and a half years at that point, but there you have it I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Spoiler

and for what it’s worth pointing it out didn’t really change anything, though she did give me one the day before New Year’s Eve. It’s my birthday in two weeks so I’m going to give her strong hints that another one for my birthday would be appreciated

damn sherbro..

not trying to pry but why hasn't it been brought up?

 

[KeepingItReal]

damn sherbro..

not trying to pry but why hasn't it been brought up?

Maybe he has a couple of homo friends suck him off every once in awhile. Leave the guy alone, like his wife did, wait what?!

 

[Travis Alexander]

4 kids 3 mothers?!

Yea I fuck.

 

[BB in Crazy!!!!]

It a few reasons I think. The biggest is the ones soured on it are the most vocal. When things are going well, or "okay" they won't be as vocal.

Plus, marriage is a pain sometimes. On my second one, and I'm 11 years in. Have had good years and bad years. The best you can hope for is to be with someone who isn't too stubborn and is willing to work on things when they start to go bad. And to be willing to work on them yourself. I was pretty sure my current marriage was pretty much done twice now. And I complained a lot about it. But, after a few big fights and getting our problems out to each other things improved both times. Thing is, often people don't want to compromise, or listen. Me and my wife communication kinda sucks most of the time which is why it takes us fighting to really get it out. And we don't fight often so it kinda gets a lot worse before better.

Rough times will come. Just remember who you married and that you are willing to work on things and try to take responsibility for your faults. And hope she is willing to do the same.

 

[mozfonky]

I'm sure some of it is lighthearted. But, it doesn't look fun to me.

 

[whocares]

Marriage doesn't suck, people suck. Do your vetting properly, check off all the pre-relationship and pre-engagement boxes necessary and you're probably going to have a good one. There is a caveat though. Narcissists are practically incapable of maintaining long term healthy relationships, and a fuck load of people are narcissists these days. Make sure you're not proposing to one of them.

 

[terrapin]

because they are spiritually weak and not up to the task. marriage is for real men and women. its a spiritual path.

 

[Domitian]

I don't know how these dudes stay in sexless/blowjobless relationships. If 2 weeks go by and neither happens, I'm going to say something. If 3 weeks goes by and still nothing, I'm going to start bitching. If a month and half goes by and still nothing I am out. It is over. I am done. They're either cheating or don't care. Either way, DONE.

It's not even about the sex, it's about being with someone who has no regard for your needs or wants.

 

[king hippo]

because they are spiritually weak and not up to the task. marriage is for real men and women. its a spiritual path.

no true scotsman?

 

[blaseblase]

because talking about sex can be awkward. I imagine sex is often spontaneous at the beginning, and not much is spoken. Early on, when stuff is popping all the time, do you even need to ask/talk? You make your move and it's on. Fast forward pregnancy, all WILL go completely haywire. You're going to need not only casual speaking on the subject, you need to establish concrete rules regarding the situation, and NOT leave it up to chance and hormones.

those first two years after the first kid will be traumatic, learning the ropes of new things, preserving old things will become a bit more difficult. You may need to learn how to cohabit with the other person if you havent lived together before, finances, etc. Communication can happen, and you can make a wish list, but what if it's not enforced? Knowing your partner wants/needs sex, is not the same as making it happen. There's a bit more than communication, you need a plan, the plan has to be agreed upon, the plan needs to be enforced like a contract.... because, that's just one kid so far, that's two years you might have lost, another kid along the way, the time can pile up quickly, and if there's no plan, no concrete expectation, these scenarios are way more common.

if anything, before getting married, a marriage training session from long term married folks would be immensely helpful, because this stuff is NOT intuitive, a sizeable percent of the population live in sexless marriages, and that's defined as once every six months. to me, if you're not doing it once a month, that's sexless, and from what I recall, that's half of all marriages................

I simply can't relate to any of this crap you're saying. If you're being awkward about sex that's on you. I was awkward too once. When I was young and inexperienced. You're supposed to grow out of that and learn how to talk to your woman about sex. What she likes. How to get her off. And conversely, sharing with her what you like. It's the basics of being in a relationship. This isn't the 1940s, the sexual revolution was a long time ago.

If you can't talk to a woman about sex how the hell do you know if you are doing it right? Maybe the reason so many marriages end is because the guys are bad at fucking and never bothered to learn or improve their game.

 

[Protectandserve]

I don't know how these dudes stay in sexless/blowjobless relationships. If 2 weeks go by and neither happens, I'm going to say something. If 3 weeks goes by and still nothing, I'm going to start bitching. If a month and half goes by and still nothing I am out. It is over. I am done. They're either cheating or don't care. Either way, DONE.

It's not even about the sex, it's about being with someone who has no regard for your needs or wants.

Cause without a pre nup you lose half your shit and then shell out alimony…

 

[Domitian]

Cause without a pre nup you lose half your shit and then shell out alimony…

That's true and would be a reason to stay I suppose but if you're unhappy or supporting someone who doesn't care about you it might be worth taking that hit.

I just feel like before two people get married, they should be fully aware of what they are getting into. You should have a good handle on what your partner's personality is and what their character is. Unless one person becomes like morbidly obese, or comes down with a serious health problem, or something life changing there shouldn't be any problems with communication or sex. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who you feel doesn't care about you it's all doomed anyway and partly your own fault in a sense.

For a bad example, if I get into a relationship with a hoe or a gold digger and there's red flags all over the place and I get cheated on or used for money I'm going to be a lot more mad at myself than I am them.

 

[Miokink026]

I’ve been with the same woman for 5 years and she’s fantastic and I enjoy her company. We do a lot together and I think she’s earned it. When our new house is finally finished, I’m going to propose. Can someone please explain what a ceremony changed in your common law partnership?

I’m going to get a prenup to clarify what’s legally mine before we do but besides that, I’m excited about it. Hiding this diamond is going to be difficult.

because it's what was brainwashed into them.

the media, from cartoons to adult sitcoms, when men talk about marriage, they act like they can't wait to get out of it.


(beaytiful woman walks by, winks) "oh boy, if only I weren't married to the old ball n chain" (cue laugh track).

or maybe a lot of men really aren't satisfied with their marriage. occums razor or whatever.