Accountants

[mixmastermo]

Every single accountant I have worked with in my career has had a chip on their shoulder and/or an age to grind. As far as I can tell, all they really care about is balancing the books. If the books are not balanced, THEY LOSE THEIR MINDS. They don't care how they get there.. they just have to get there one way or the other.

Right now I'm dealing with the most challenging one yet. Interestingly I told the GM of the company that she needs to be fired when he first started. He thought I was crazy and he said she can be worked with.

A few months later and he says he wants to fire her ASAP.

That's just one example. The overall theme is they are making assumptions, base budgets off these assumptions, and when reality hits because of forces of nature.. it turns into a shitshow. The other side of it is every single one I've met knows how to play tricks with numbers.. such as creating some muddiness in how money is being spent. Every single one.

So this message goes out to all my accounting sherbros

Spoiler: Do not read if you are not an accountant

fuck you

 

[mixmastermo]

Here's an actual exchange I had with an actual CPA

CPA: How come Steel prices keep changing?

Me Steel market prices change all the time

CPA: but sometimes the price is super low and other times it's high

Me: yes, I take advantage of offers such as getting full loads so the price of each material drops significantly. Remember we are getting delivered pricing.

CPA OK, but that causes a variance

Me: are you seriously giving me shit for saving the company money? I don't give a fuck what your standard cost is, im increasing our margins

CPA what about the times the price is high?

Me: that's because the assholes we have working in sales make promises to customers we can't keep but all they really care about is getting their commission. I had to buy low quantities of steel in a rush.

CPA why don't you get the supplier to agree to a price for a financial quarter

Me; I can, but since we have limited holding capacity and we carry so many different kinds, they are going to just quote above market value just cover their own asses.

CPA I don't understand

Me: what does it mean to have a CPA anyway?

 

[Flower2dPeople]

"Oh well I'm a chartered accountant, and consequently too boring to be of interest."

 

[KBE6EKCTAH_CCP]

Every single accountant I have worked with in my career has had a chip on their shoulder and/or an age to grind. As far as I can tell, all they really care about is balancing the books. If the books are not balanced, THEY LOSE THEIR MINDS. They don't care how they get there.. they just have to get there one way or the other.

Right now I'm dealing with the most challenging one yet. Interestingly I told the GM of the company that she needs to be fired when he first started. He thought I was crazy and he said she can be worked with.

A few months later and he says he wants to fire her ASAP.

That's just one example. The overall theme is they are making assumptions, base budgets off these assumptions, and when reality hits because of forces of nature.. it turns into a shitshow. The other side of it is every single one I've met knows how to play tricks with numbers.. such as creating some muddiness in how money is being spent. Every single one.

So this message goes out to all my accounting sherbros

Spoiler: Do not read if you are not an accountant

fuck you

Are we talking about audit or the reporting / finance department of a company?

 

[mixmastermo]

Are we talking about audit or the reporting / finance department of a company?

Reporting/finance

 

[KBE6EKCTAH_CCP]

Here's an actual exchange I had with an actual CPA

CPA: How come Steel prices keep changing?

Me Steel market prices change all the time

CPA: but sometimes the price is super low and other times it's high

Me: yes, I take advantage of offers such as getting full loads so the price of each material drops significantly. Remember we are getting delivered pricing.

CPA OK, but that causes a variance

Me: are you seriously giving me shit for saving the company money? I don't give a fuck what your standard cost is, im increasing our margins

CPA what about the times the price is high?

Me: that's because the assholes we have working in sales make promises to customers we can't keep but all they really care about is getting their commission. I had to buy low quantities of steel in a rush.

CPA why don't you get the supplier to agree to a price for a financial quarter

Me; I can, but since we have limited holding capacity and we carry so many different kinds, they are going to just quote above market value just cover their own asses.

CPA I don't understand

Me: what does it mean to have a CPA anyway?

That sounds like the CPA was testing you with very naive questions.

 

[mixmastermo]

That sounds like the CPA was testing you with very naive questions.

Nah. She was legitimately confused.
BTW I must point out that our mutual boss, the owner, was most likely behind some of this stuff. He didn't understand price fluctuations either. All he understood was "I am a customer so suppliers must keep us happy, at all costs!!! That's how we operate! BTW can you work with accounting to figure out why we are upside down as a company? I really don't understand it"

I don't work there anymore

 

[KBE6EKCTAH_CCP]

Nah. She was legitimately confused.
BTW I must point out that our mutual boss, the owner, was most likely behind some of this stuff. He didn't understand price fluctuations either. All he understood was "I am a customer so suppliers must keep us happy, at all costs!!! That's how we operate! BTW can you work with accounting to figure out why we are upside down as a company? I really don't understand it"

I don't work there anymore

Sounds like a pretty classical, poorly-managed, sales culture, founder- dominated small company.
Possibly even built on the founder s original idea but eventually started to look left and right for shit that doesn't make sense.
I am right?

 

[genecop]

70% of most professionals are hacks, you gotta fight to find the 30% that aren’t…stop grinding the age….

 

[EndlessCritic]

Depends on the type of accountant. I know this guy who is basically the Saul Goodman of accountants. Spent his entire career trying to come up with creative ways to beat the CRA. (Canada's IRS)

 

[mixmastermo]

Sounds like a pretty classical, poorly-managed, sales culture, founder- dominated small company.
Possibly even built on the founder s original idea but eventually started to look left and right for shit that doesn't make sense.
I am right?

100 percent

 

[flashNsmash]

Here's an actual exchange I had with an actual CPA

CPA: How come Steel prices keep changing?

Me Steel market prices change all the time

CPA: but sometimes the price is super low and other times it's high

Me: yes, I take advantage of offers such as getting full loads so the price of each material drops significantly. Remember we are getting delivered pricing.

CPA OK, but that causes a variance

Me: are you seriously giving me shit for saving the company money? I don't give a fuck what your standard cost is, im increasing our margins

CPA what about the times the price is high?

Me: that's because the assholes we have working in sales make promises to customers we can't keep but all they really care about is getting their commission. I had to buy low quantities of steel in a rush.

CPA why don't you get the supplier to agree to a price for a financial quarter

Me; I can, but since we have limited holding capacity and we carry so many different kinds, they are going to just quote above market value just cover their own asses.

CPA I don't understand

Me: what does it mean to have a CPA anyway?

sounds like you've been hanging out on the sherdog discord mate, there's a REALLY dumb accountant on there

also not all accountants are poor, stupid and/or ugly @Revolver

 

[ChickenBrother]

Nah. She was legitimately confused.
BTW I must point out that our mutual boss, the owner, was most likely behind some of this stuff. He didn't understand price fluctuations either. All he understood was "I am a customer so suppliers must keep us happy, at all costs!!! That's how we operate! BTW can you work with accounting to figure out why we are upside down as a company? I really don't understand it"

I don't work there anymore

It sounds like the owner/boss is inept and shouldn't be in charge. Managing around commodity price volatility (via contracts, financial hedges, supplier agreements, etc.) for costs and revenues is something a commercial manager and/or CFO should be concerned about and know well.

Your CPA is either very junior or doing their job with blinders on. You should remember that folks like accountants, lawyers, engineers are generally not commercial decision makers (unless they're also a manager for the firm). Their job is to focus on their area of expertise and make recommendations to the commercial decision maker, who can override recommendations and make the call.

But CPAs have to comply with financial and accounting regulations. Being a tool is literally their job. In your metal price example, if the cost of steel for the year cannot be fixed via supply agreement because you have limited inventory storage, the CPA has to make a conservative price assumption for the budget pro forma. When they're working with the external auditor to produce audited financial statements, they have to justify all their assumptions and get the auditor's stamp of approval, including that the business is viable as a going concern. If the auditor calls them on anything and ends up having to restate the financials, that's a bad look for the finance dept and will come back to bite them in the ass.

 

[Crawler89]

Have done I.t for a number of accountants/accounting firms.

They are void of personality, joy and kindness.

Pretty much what happens when you make salt a human

 

[mixmastermo]

It sounds like the owner/boss is inept and shouldn't be in charge. Managing around commodity price volatility (via contracts, financial hedges, supplier agreements, etc.) for costs and revenues is something a commercial manager and/or CFO should be concerned about and know well.

Your CPA is either very junior or doing their job with blinders on. You should remember that folks like accountants, lawyers, engineers are generally not commercial decision makers (unless they're also a manager for the firm). Their job is to focus on their area of expertise and make recommendations to the commercial decision maker, who can override recommendations and make the call.

But CPAs have to work in compliance with financial and accounting regulations. Being a tool is literally their job. In your metal price example, if the cost of steel for the year cannot be fixed via supply agreement because you have limited inventory storage, the CPA has to make a conservative price assumption for the budget pro forma. When they're working with the external auditor to produce audited financial statements, they have to justify all their assumptions and get the auditor's stamp of approval, including that the business is viable as a going concern. If the auditor calls them on anything and ends up having to restate the financials, that's a bad look for the finance dept and will come back to bite them in the ass.

I completely understand what you mean, in regards to that last paragraph. However in that particular case it came down to what you hypothesized earlier. The owner is the grandson of the founder and that company has been around since the early 20th century. He came up through sales, and his focus was always keeping customers happy.. even the small ones who required very special accommodations. He would ask me to purchase extra goods because he was hedging that these kinds of customers would return, and they might...but many years down the road.

The CPA in question actually earned her CPA while she was working there as a receptionist. So she had some brand loyalty.. but not a whole lot apparently because she literal came one night when no one else was there, emptied out her office and never came back.

The company is dysfunctional as a whole which is why I left, but again that's just one case where you had a junior person being used as a tool.

In my current gig, the person that needs to be fired likes to pretend that she is a decision maker, and gets upset when she gets called out on the lack of information she has available. Just last week she recommended that I start buying one of our key products from a distributor because she thinks itll save us.. we are actually already buying full truckloads of the stuff directly from the source... the same source the distributor she recommended uses.

Her assumptions are always way off and she is notorious for giving other people shit because she thinks they are not doing what they are supposed to.

In another place I worked at the paycheck protection program loan was used to make capital investments that the accounting dept had already reported that had been completed years prior.. in preparation for an audit.

I stand by original post.

 

[ChickenBrother]

I completely understand what you mean, in regards to that last paragraph. However in that particular case it came down to what you hypothesized earlier. The owner is the grandson of the founder and that company has been around since the early 20th century. He came up through sales, and his focus was always keeping customers happy.. even the small ones who required very special accommodations. He would ask me to purchase extra goods because he was hedging that these kinds of customers would return, and they might...but many years down the road.

The CPA in question actually earned her CPA while she was working there as a receptionist. So she had some brand loyalty.. but not a whole lot apparently because she literal came one night when no one else was there, emptied out her office and never came back.

The company is dysfunctional as a whole which is why I left, but again that's just one case where you had a junior person being used as a tool.

In my current gig, the person that needs to be fired likes to pretend that she is a decision maker, and gets upset when she gets called out on the lack of information she has available. Just last week she recommended that I start buying one of our key products from a distributor because she thinks itll save us.. we are actually already buying full truckloads of the stuff directly from the source... the same source the distributor she recommended uses.

Her assumptions are always way off and she is notorious for giving other people shit because she thinks they are not doing what they are supposed to.

In another place I worked at the paycheck protection program loan was used to make capital investments that the accounting dept had already reported that had been completed years prior.. in preparation for an audit.

I stand by original post.

If you dig deep enough, I think you'd find that most companies big and small are always 1 quarter away from going under, if you were to rip off all the band-aids, duck tape and jury rigged shit that's keeping everything together. It's the commercial decision-maker's job to consider all the competing risks and make the call.

CPAs who think they're in a commercial role (if they're not) are annoying. But remember what their job is. By necessity they're going to be the most risk-averse, rules-oriented people at a company - they don't get paid to take risks. If an auditor comes in and calls out their pro forma and shits all over the books, their CPA license gets revoked.

Sales guys are the opposite. Most are paid on commission so they're incentivized to take risks. As long as they make the sale, they get paid. They're usually the most aggressive risk-takers at a company.

Without sales, you don't have revenue. So when a company is small and growing, the culture is often dominated by sales. Even if it means taking a loss, you need to win and maintain those customers. But the bigger a company gets, the more conservative you have to be to keep everything from falling apart. That said, companies that are overly dominated by either sales or CPA mentality generally don't survive long term.

 

[shunyata]

Here's an actual exchange I had with an actual CPA

CPA: How come Steel prices keep changing?

Me Steel market prices change all the time

CPA: but sometimes the price is super low and other times it's high

Me: yes, I take advantage of offers such as getting full loads so the price of each material drops significantly. Remember we are getting delivered pricing.

CPA OK, but that causes a variance

Me: are you seriously giving me shit for saving the company money? I don't give a fuck what your standard cost is, im increasing our margins

CPA what about the times the price is high?

Me: that's because the assholes we have working in sales make promises to customers we can't keep but all they really care about is getting their commission. I had to buy low quantities of steel in a rush.

CPA why don't you get the supplier to agree to a price for a financial quarter

Me; I can, but since we have limited holding capacity and we carry so many different kinds, they are going to just quote above market value just cover their own asses.

CPA I don't understand

Me: what does it mean to have a CPA anyway?

Dunno where they went to school, but at the state university I went to the accounting majors had to take economics classes as part of their core for the accounting degree.

 

[shunyata]

I completely understand what you mean, in regards to that last paragraph. However in that particular case it came down to what you hypothesized earlier. The owner is the grandson of the founder and that company has been around since the early 20th century. He came up through sales, and his focus was always keeping customers happy.. even the small ones who required very special accommodations. He would ask me to purchase extra goods because he was hedging that these kinds of customers would return, and they might...but many years down the road.

The CPA in question actually earned her CPA while she was working there as a receptionist. So she had some brand loyalty.. but not a whole lot apparently because she literal came one night when no one else was there, emptied out her office and never came back.

The company is dysfunctional as a whole which is why I left, but again that's just one case where you had a junior person being used as a tool.

In my current gig, the person that needs to be fired likes to pretend that she is a decision maker, and gets upset when she gets called out on the lack of information she has available. Just last week she recommended that I start buying one of our key products from a distributor because she thinks itll save us.. we are actually already buying full truckloads of the stuff directly from the source... the same source the distributor she recommended uses.

Her assumptions are always way off and she is notorious for giving other people shit because she thinks they are not doing what they are supposed to.

In another place I worked at the paycheck protection program loan was used to make capital investments that the accounting dept had already reported that had been completed years prior.. in preparation for an audit.

I stand by original post.

That sounds illegal.

 

[boingyman]

 

[shunyata]

I need you to go down to the Bronx, and get breastmilk from a Cambodian immigrant.

I only drink the finest breastmilks.