Sherdog Confessional: My affair continues...

[Brampton_Boy]

Yeah, we've all heard the quote. We live in an age of information, where the scientific method is alive and well.

This isn't a malleable nuanced subset of data like what you're referencing utilized for political or monetary gain where some Deep Throat scientist working for Soros is changing information to fit a narrative (Not to mention, Twain lived in a very different world). The statistical hackery that exists in the political realm is not the same as in academia where checks and balances still hold a torch (peer review, etc). This is very black and white points of immutable mathematics based on numerous social scientists work. As in, the data points don't delve into the nitty gritty of the why, or seek to manipulate the axes on a chart to stretch the truth. It's all yes or no, if this then that.

115+ studies that are referenced > Some dude on the internet's opinion because he doesn't like the results.

I came at you with hard facts, you just have a feeling they arent correct. Agree to disagree I guess, even though I don't know what your argument is. And, by the way, probably 70% more likely to get Monkey Pox with the way I do it.

DYOR from here on out.

I'm not sure if I agree with your interpretation of the statistics - many of the criteria that are deemed as influencing the long term success of marriages are outside the control of the individual (i.e. single parent vs. dual parent households).Given that many of the antecedents to marital longevity are based on socioeconomic factors, higher rates of divorce are more likely among those that are poor, have low educational attainment etc.

You argument seems to be premised that people can make actionable choices that reduce the likelihood of divorce - I think that is a partial truth. There are clearly exogenous factors at play that cannot be controlled by a person.

 

[Brampton_Boy]

In the OP, he says he took her to Hélène Darroze, which is one of the few Michelin 3 Star restaurants in London. Considering that, I felt a mini review was in order.

I'm also going to try to get in there the next time I'm in London... It's been 4 years already...

I have been lucky enough to go to some really great restaurants, particularly in London (Core, 34 Mayfair, Ledbury etc.) - Helene Darroze was in a completely different class when it came to the "feeling" of exclusivity and fine dining. As soon as you enter the hotel where it is located (The Connaught) you know that this is a place for the 1% of the 1%. I make a decent living and don't often find myself feeling like I don't belong, but I felt like a country bumpkin when I walked into the place.

With that being said, the staff treat you like royalty - it is a much more "traditional" fine dining experience. Really elaborate marble fixtures, dark colored wood and really soft lighting (by comparison, a place like Core seems much more modern and laid back). There seem to be more staff than tables, and they are SO GOOD at being attentive, without being intrusive. I joked that the waiters were like ninjas, because your cutlery/plates/napkins would be collected without you even noticing. The hostess also gave each table a tour of the kitchen, and you get to meet the head chef.

As for the food, it's a prefix tasting menu featuring seasonal ingredients. Technically, it is listed as 7 courses, but the kitchen sent out four "extra" dishes for us to try. The creativity and attention to detail is insane - I was tempted to take pictures, but then I would out myself as being a creaton who shouldn't really be there. I'll be honest, the first half of the menu was ludicrously good, but the back half was a bit of a let down. No fault of the chef or the food, I'm just not a big fan of lamb (the main) or dark chocolate (the dessert). You could substitute wagu beef for the lamb, but that was an extra $175 pounds.

It was the best experience I have ever had at a restaurant, but not the best food. Would I do it again? Yes, but only for a really special occasion. The meal for two people came up to almost $1100CAD, and that only includes alcohol for one person (I don't drink). If you opt for the substitutions (caviar starter and wagyu main) and add a second wine pairing, your looking at close to $1000 pounds for two people. When I consider my weekly grocery bill is about $150CAD, the price for one meal at HD seems a bit ludicrous.

Hope this helps!

@fingercuffs (you mentioned your a fan of world class chefs)

 

[Omegaboy13]

I'm not sure if I agree with your interpretation of the statistics - many of the criteria that are deemed as influencing the long term success of marriages are outside the control of the individual (i.e. single parent vs. dual parent households).Given that many of the antecedents to marital longevity are based on socioeconomic factors, higher rates of divorce are more likely among those that are poor, have low educational attainment etc.

You argument seems to be premised that people can make actionable choices that reduce the likelihood of divorce - I think that is a partial truth. There are clearly exogenous factors at play that cannot be controlled by a person.

They're not my statistics. What you just touched on was also touched on in the video I provided.

What it comes down to it, there are things you can control, and things you can't. You can mitigate risk by partner choice. Like, for example, if you fuck a married woman with 2 kids and eventually end up with her she's statistically more likely to cheat on you eventually, or some shit, probably.

 

[Squintz]

Imagine being a piece of trash poster who makes comments assuming they know everything. I didn’t mention it but I must now. My young wife had at least two affairs that I found emails from all parties while I was working insanely long hours early in my career. It broke my heart. I forgave her because I had kids with her, and I wanted more than anything else to be with them every day as they grew up. She was not the Angel waiting for me at home with a freshly baked apple pie every day. I had to listen to her telling me what she did that day when I knew damned well what she really did. We made it work. Thanks anyway for your comment.

So much cuck. Cuck guy.

 

[Hollywood Jack]

I have been lucky enough to go to some really great restaurants, particularly in London (Core, 34 Mayfair, Ledbury etc.) - Helene Darroze was in a completely different class when it came to the "feeling" of exclusivity and fine dining. As soon as you enter the hotel where it is located (The Connaught) you know that this is a place for the 1% of the 1%. I make a decent living and don't often find myself feeling like I don't belong, but I felt like a country bumpkin when I walked into the place.

With that being said, the staff treat you like royalty - it is a much more "traditional" fine dining experience. Really elaborate marble fixtures, dark colored wood and really soft lighting (by comparison, a place like Core seems much more modern and laid back). There seem to be more staff than tables, and they are SO GOOD at being attentive, without being intrusive. I joked that the waiters were like ninjas, because your cutlery/plates/napkins would be collected without you even noticing. The hostess also gave each table a tour of the kitchen, and you get to meet the head chef.

As for the food, it's a prefix tasting menu featuring seasonal ingredients. Technically, it is listed as 7 courses, but the kitchen sent out four "extra" dishes for us to try. The creativity and attention to detail is insane - I was tempted to take pictures, but then I would out myself as being a creaton who shouldn't really be there. I'll be honest, the first half of the menu was ludicrously good, but the back half was a bit of a let down. No fault of the chef or the food, I'm just not a big fan of lamb (the main) or dark chocolate (the dessert). You could substitute wagu beef for the lamb, but that was an extra $175 pounds.

It was the best experience I have ever had at a restaurant, but not the best food. Would I do it again? Yes, but only for a really special occasion. The meal for two people came up to almost $1100CAD, and that only includes alcohol for one person (I don't drink). If you opt for the substitutions (caviar starter and wagyu main) and add a second wine pairing, your looking at close to $1000 pounds for two people. When I consider my weekly grocery bill is about $150CAD, the price for one meal at HD seems a bit ludicrous.

Hope this helps!

@fingercuffs (you mentioned your a fan of world class chefs)

Appreciate the info and the review. I've been to London over two dozen times over the years and have also eaten in some excellent restaurants there, but unfortunately I've basically forgotten the name of all of them. I'd say probably the best Italian meal I've ever had was in London, and this was on a trip in which I spent more time in Italy than in London, but for the life of me I can't recall the name of the place. I'm going to make a concerted effort to go to Hélène Darroze the next time I'm in London, hopefully soon, since it's a good time to take advantage of the favorable exchange rate, which is even better as an American than it is for you as a Canadian.

Cheers!

 

[volodya]

I have been lucky enough to go to some really great restaurants, particularly in London (Core, 34 Mayfair, Ledbury etc.) - Helene Darroze was in a completely different class when it came to the "feeling" of exclusivity and fine dining. As soon as you enter the hotel where it is located (The Connaught) you know that this is a place for the 1% of the 1%. I make a decent living and don't often find myself feeling like I don't belong, but I felt like a country bumpkin when I walked into the place.

With that being said, the staff treat you like royalty - it is a much more "traditional" fine dining experience. Really elaborate marble fixtures, dark colored wood and really soft lighting (by comparison, a place like Core seems much more modern and laid back). There seem to be more staff than tables, and they are SO GOOD at being attentive, without being intrusive. I joked that the waiters were like ninjas, because your cutlery/plates/napkins would be collected without you even noticing. The hostess also gave each table a tour of the kitchen, and you get to meet the head chef.

As for the food, it's a prefix tasting menu featuring seasonal ingredients. Technically, it is listed as 7 courses, but the kitchen sent out four "extra" dishes for us to try. The creativity and attention to detail is insane - I was tempted to take pictures, but then I would out myself as being a creaton who shouldn't really be there. I'll be honest, the first half of the menu was ludicrously good, but the back half was a bit of a let down. No fault of the chef or the food, I'm just not a big fan of lamb (the main) or dark chocolate (the dessert). You could substitute wagu beef for the lamb, but that was an extra $175 pounds.

It was the best experience I have ever had at a restaurant, but not the best food. Would I do it again? Yes, but only for a really special occasion. The meal for two people came up to almost $1100CAD, and that only includes alcohol for one person (I don't drink). If you opt for the substitutions (caviar starter and wagyu main) and add a second wine pairing, your looking at close to $1000 pounds for two people. When I consider my weekly grocery bill is about $150CAD, the price for one meal at HD seems a bit ludicrous.

Hope this helps!

@fingercuffs (you mentioned your a fan of world class chefs)

LMAO so on top of all your other misdiscretions you are too poor to level up at this fancy dinner place?

 

[deucesarewild]

As some of you may know, I have been involved in an affair with my best friend for the better part of 6 years. We have been friends since we were teenagers (we are both now 37) - she moved to England for teachers college, met a guy and started a family. I stayed in Canada, and ironically became a professor at the university we both attended.

We had amazing chemistry when we were younger, but couldn't get the timing right - either she was seeing someone, or I was. Right before she left, I told her I loved her, but she was with someone... and I thought I had missed my chance. In 2016 on a visit to Canada, a night out turned into something more, and since then, we have been in an on again and off again affair. Most recently, I just got back from visiting her in England - quite literally no one in my life knows I went. I told family/friends/colleagues that I was speaking at a conference, and off I went.

As always, we had a magical time. I took her to Hélène Darroze, one of London's few 3 star Michelin restaurants, and it felt like we never skipped a beat. In parting though, we both acknowledged that neither of us knows where this can go - as we lay together, we literally had to set a timer because she had to get home to her husband and kids.

There is no tenable path forward, she would be giving up her entire life to be with me, and even if she was prepared to do that, there are two young children involved. I can't move to England for a number of professional and personal obligations. The logical thing to do would be to stop - we are both being awful people, and I know I am contributing to something that could tear a family apart. The look of guilt on her face as she walked out the door should be enough to stop, but we never do.

The cycle will rinse and repeat. Me living for these brief moments when I can see her, and keeping other woman at arms length, while she experiences a period of self loathing/shame (if only for a little while, as we eventually begin rationalizing reasons why it's okay to do this).

I don't know why I'm telling any of you this - I guess it's because I'm too ashamed to tell people that actually know me. Even with all of this in mind, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

You want to know what's worse than unrequited love, or a missed opportunity? Love that's reciprocated, but can't be acted upon. In some ways, it would have been easier if she told me she didn't feel the same way.

To the younger guys/girls out there, if you like someone and there's a chance of being together - tell them, don't wait.

PS: I know I am being a horrible person, and have no intent on rationalizing what I am doing. Flame away.

I see where you are coming from. You knew her first, and for longer, and you both feel there is something there. All of that is real and in this respect I get where you are coming from.

I must ask though, if you were her husband, how would you react if you discovered somebody else secretly and irregularly banging that woman who you love so deeply? And what if her kids found out? What would they think? Their whole world would be shattered. I don't need to cite the side effects of divorce rates (no, I'm not a "stay together for the kids, guy, but there's always a singular asshole objectionist who reads one line and feels like he has mastered a post on Sherdog).

I know it makes things morally simple but more complicated in an experiential way. It's in those moments where we find put who we really are. You are feeling unpleasant stuck in the middle. Get out of that spot.

My advice. Cut your ties or give her the ultimatum (you and her, she leaves her husband). Maybe you should stake your own claim in the world rather than sidle in on someone else's situation. You'll feel better, stronger, about yourself. Less beholden to something that you will have nothing to show for in 30 years from now. She kind of has her cake (her family) and eats it, too (you). Having your cake and eating it should be the same thing, if you play your cards right. You are getting your cake (her) but you can't eat it, too, because you can't take it with you.

Anyway, as my grandpa said to me after a really difficult break up: "there's plenty of fish in the sea". Don't tunnel vision on her. You are basically my age, you are still young.

 

[Brampton_Boy]

LMAO so on top of all your other misdiscretions you are too poor to level up at this fancy dinner place?

I'm not even sure what you mean by level up. Are you talking about the substitutions? I opted for lamb over Wagyu because beef is my least favorite meat. Even though I'm not the biggest fan of lamb, I still preferred it to beef .

Only on sherdog someone will accuse you of being poor when eating at a Michelin star restaurant.

 

[NicholasJBasile]

Not a good situation, but I feel the burden falls on her shoulders. Ignorance is bliss I guess, I've never been in this situation so I'm no authority on the matter. If I were in love with someone that was already in a relationship, I'd have very conflicted thoughts.

 

[Alphaboy]

I see where you are coming from. You knew her first, and for longer, and you both feel there is something there. All of that is real and in this respect I get where you are coming from.

I must ask though, if you were her husband, how would you react if you discovered somebody else secretly and irregularly banging that woman who you love so deeply? And what if her kids found out? What would they think? Their whole world would be shattered. I don't need to cite the side effects of divorce rates (no, I'm not a "stay together for the kids, guy, but there's always a singular asshole objectionist who reads one line and feels like he has mastered a post on Sherdog).

I know it makes things morally simple but more complicated in an experiential way. It's in those moments where we find put who we really are. You are feeling unpleasant stuck in the middle. Get out of that spot.

My advice. Cut your ties or give her the ultimatum (you and her, she leaves her husband). Maybe you should stake your own claim in the world rather than sidle in on someone else's situation. You'll feel better, stronger, about yourself. Less beholden to something that you will have nothing to show for in 30 years from now. She kind of has her cake (her family) and eats it, too (you). Having your cake and eating it should be the same thing, if you play your cards right. You are getting your cake (her) but you can't eat it, too, because you can't take it with you.

Anyway, as my grandpa said to me after a really difficult break up: "there's plenty of fish in the sea". Don't tunnel vision on her. You are basically my age, you are still young.

This was very well written. I wonder if OP will acknowledge anything you said or just skip over all of it to respond to comments about what he ordered at the restaurant.

 

[Dusty Rhodes]

Thanks for the entertainment sherbros.

And B Bwoi, I think the answer for you is some sort of sex addict seminar or therapy. Travelling across the world to bang some married chick seems like a little much my guy.
You're a good dude otherwise but you know what to do here!

 

[Volador]

First of all, pics of piece of garbage woman required please.

She is way worse than you because she is betraying her whole family and potentially causing trauma and major damage to the people around her.

You have inserted yourself into drama and potential fucked-upness, which is bad, but her role is worse. If she lacks the maturity/mental strength to talk to her husband and tell him it’s over, or to tell you to fuck off, then you should talk to her and cut it off. You’re being led astray by pure emotion. The reality is that if she wanted to be with you she would’ve done it long ago, and if she cared about her family, she would’ve dealt with this already. You should want more than being someone’s side piece.

IMO, if there’s no resolution in sight, just cut it off. You will be depressed for a while, but probably better off in the long term. It seems that you’re already dealing with guilt and frustration, and I can only see that increasing over time, unless you have zero moral standards.

You did get laid though, so it’s not all bad.

 

[ChickenBrother]

I've asked but am not expecting a response because you appear to be trying to distance yourself from your post, so I will quote it again below. I note this was presumably in response to my post above, in which I state that my marriage is troubled and would possibly be over if not for the kids. I also touch on some of the circumstances which inform the added relationship stress. None of these issues involve infidelity as neither me nor my wife (to my knowledge) has ever been unfaithful, nor is contemplating doing so without full disclosure. I was neither complaining nor seeking sympathy from anyone - merely stating my situation to the extent it's relevant to this thread and for TS' consideration.

Your bizarre response was to call me "human garbage" and accuse me of being "wrong." I can only conclude that either your reading comprehension is remiss or that you are in fact, human garbage.

Sounds more like you know you're wrong and dont like being told you're wrong by people with the moral fortitude not to be such human garbage. Learn and improve or remain ensconced in your own filth. Just don't complain that others aren't wallowing there with you because they made better choices or applauding your sorry condition.

 

[San Marino]

18 pages!
Is there no end to this insane thread?
The affair continues and will continue until someone gets seriously hurt.

 

[chardog]

it's kind of jacked up, just dont get her pregnant.............. ever


bang away, it's not your fault

 

[Jesus X]

These hoes aint loyal

 

[Grob]

You keep talking about your friendship, but you are not her friend. A friend doesn’t destroy their friend’s relationship.

There’s no future for you here. She’s not going to end up with you. You should not want to be stuck with her, because once the honeymoon phase ends, she’ll be cheating on you.

Either block her completely or ask her straight out about her kids, her husband and their relationship. Shine the spotlight on your affair. You’re never going to move on as long as you keep entertaining her. I get it, it’s nice to be wanted…but she doesn’t want what you do.

 

[IX_Equilibrium]

This was very well written. I wonder if OP will acknowledge anything you said or just skip over all of it to respond to comments about what he ordered at the restaurant.

I went to a high dollar fancy restaurant, 7 course meals and the like. It was a great experience, but I was pissed off that I had to go to a burger joint an hour later to get full. These "bite sized" entrees are ridiculous.

 

[spamking]

Everyone knows none of this shit happened.

And if it actually did, they're both horrible human beings.

 

[The Good The Bad The HBK]

I picked both but when I think about it the wife is way more wrong.